Today autism and I are not friends.

Last week we saw doc and we expressed all our concerns about weight gain and increased intensity and duration of 'rage and destruction for no discernable reason' episodes. He decided that as much as we liked the previous med, it appears to be time for a change. So we discussed our options, and carefully (oh so carefully!) weighed the options, benefits, and risks. We were sent home with a titration pack, and did a we were instructed. All week we saw minor improvements in some areas, but he's still got a long way to go before we can say we're comfortable with saying we've got a sufficient replacement. I miss my boy, and today I have to just sit here and say: Sometimes I hate autism so much. I miss my boy, and I want him back. This kid that's here screaming and biting, fighting and spitting, throwing things and hurting his sister- thats not my boy. My boy likes to tease and laugh, play and read. And cuddle. I miss cuddle time when no one is upset or trying to hurt someone else, when we don't have to raise our voice or make threats to get things done. I miss it, and today I hate autism and I'm not ashamed to just put it out there. We even got a note from the teacher today that says she isn't seeing improvements with this med and she also used the phrase 'I want the old back!'

Why can't autism take a vacation and just give me a break sometimes??

Dear Autism, today we are not friends.